An Open Plea to the Xbox people at Microsoft

Dear Microsoft Customer Service,

For the LOVE OF GOD please do whatever you are supposed to do, and said you'd do to fix my hubby's Xbox. You see, it's having this "red ring of death" problem and has gone to Xbox heaven. I don't really care about it's death, I was not attached to it. But what I do care about is listening to hubby's constant complaining that Gears of War 2
will be out soon and he will be the only hubby on the block who won't be able to play it.

He's called you four times. First we were told a magic box was coming. We were to put the broken Xbox inside and send it to you....in two weeks a fixed Xbox would magically appear at our doorstep - ready for all the Gears of War-ing that any sane person could handle.

But when the box didn't come, he called again. He was told there would be some kind of email coming with some kind of code that would also allow us to send the dead machine to you. The email didn't come either.

Then another email was supposed to come. It didn't.

Yet another email was promised, and to a different email address because obviously we were the ones to blame for not receiving the first (there is nothing wrong with our email, and yes, we checked our spam trap).

I know we are in Canada and and all but last I checked we speak the same language and items cross the border without issue. There is really no excuse for this terrible service. If you don't come through here, I'll be sending you the bill for our divorce because I cannot take one more minute of the "I should have my Xbox back by now, Gears of War is almost out, it's my most favoritest game Evar! and if I don't get my system fixed you know I'll have to buy another one."

Yeah, there isn't going to be another one...it's not in the budget. Seriously people, you gotta do something here. I'm a mom to a 17 month old - not a 30 year old...and by the way, moms to other 30 year olds...if you need something for your hubby for Christmas, Gears of War 2
is totally what the cool kids are getting from Santa this year. That is, if they can wait until the Holidays.

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The One Where I Alienate all My (4) Male Readers

Hey man people, I like you I really do. If you want to be able to continue our relationships you might want to press that little button up there, to the left. The one that looks like this <--. Seriously, do it.

Now that it's just us girls let me show you what is wrong with the state of marketing today. Yes, I know this post isn't about creativity but it has to be written or my brain might asplode.

A little background for you. Shopper's Drugmart is, as you might guess, a drugstore. They have a little loyalty program that gets you reward points every time you make a purchase and those points can be used for $ off your purchases...save up enough and you can get $75 of free stuff which is great when you are buying diapers (still) and formula (not anymore). We cashed in a few times and it was fantastic. Now, free stuff doesn't come without a price. They have me on their mailing list and I get a magazine full of ads for makeup - whatever. I also get coupons and stuff from time to time. Whatever. But the other day I got this:

It was a little box. My name was on it (on the other side) plus there was something in it! I had visions of sweet smelling lotion samples, or some kind of hair product. I got excited and missed the subtle hints as to what was inside (I've used arrows to illustrate them for you. Notice the polka dotted ribbon and the red dot in the exclamation mark.

I opened it up and here is what was inside:


The text says "A fitting gift just for you! FREE samples!"

Just what I wanted. Boy, how "fitting". How did they know I was only days away from menstruating?

I don't know about you but I've used the same brand of 'protection' for the last 15 years. A free sample isn't going to change that. The only time a woman deviates from her 'usual' is if she's out in public and discovers an unfortunate surprise. She runs to the washroom only to find her purse stock is gone. She might then, take whatever is in her girlfriends purse because it's better than praying to the lord that your quarter is accepted in one of those machines on the wall (it never is.)

So, Kotex and Shoppers Drug Mart, you've wasted your money. Your little pads disguised as presents thing won't convert masses of women to the Kotex side. It will however, make us blog about how stupid an idea it was. If you want to increase your sales, get online and use some new media. And that blog you have going where you talk to teen girls about peer pressure doesn't count. We don't want to have 'happy periods' (another brand, I know) we want to complain about it as much as we can. We want to align ourselves with the brand that says - "Aw man, the witch is visiting? Here's some chocolate." Maybe you should have sent me some of that and I'd be in a different mood right about now.

So girls, what should I do with this Kotex sample? Suggestions?

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Traffic Tales - The Story of one Minivan Mama's commute

Dear guy who rear-ended me;

The first words out of your mouth should have been:

"Are you alright?" followed by,

"I'm so sorry, I'm a complete idiot, I'm so, SO sorry!"

not

"I don't think there is any damage, I barely bumped you."

You're damn lucky there wasn't any damage and you're also damn lucky I didn't have my baby girl in the van with me and you're super damn lucky that I just wanted to get the eff home after sitting in traffic for an hour. We were going 10km/hour - how did you manage to fail at stopping while we were practically sitting still?

Dear old guy in the rusted truck;

Thank you for recognizing my need to merge into your lane. Thank you for gesturing for me to come on over and acknowledging my wave of appreciation by waggling your own arthritic, knobby hand in return. People like you know how their actions make life just a little nicer for everyone.

Dear 19 year old skinny bitch in the purple Chevy Malibu;

It was awesome how you flashed your blinker for a whole 1/2 second before flying over into my lane and cutting me off so I had to slam on my breaks. You managed to make me cringe and peek into my rear view mirror in anticipation of another bump on the rear end. I was relieved to see there was nobody behind me.

I think you should have a sit down with the rusted truck guy and take notes.

Dear Mom;

I really am fine. The rear ender was nothing but a tap. Don't panic.

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Scatterbrained - a Creative Funk

Lately I've found myself a little out of focus. I flit around from one idea to the next, never falling completely in love with any of them. One moment I want to sew, and then I sit down at the machine and find myself annoyed with my bobbin thread and lose interest really quickly.
Then I'll pull up good old 'Word' on my laptop but start daydreaming of the books I got for my birthday. I'll read a couple paragraphs and realize I'm hungry or thirsty and put the book down having not really allowed myself to ingest the words.

This isn't like me.

I'm a know what I want and grab for it kinda girl. And it's not even the knowing what I want part that's the problem...it's the grabbing.

I want to write.
I want to sew.
I want to read.

So why aren't I?

Hmmm. I don't want to make a bunch of excuses for my pathetic failures to produce, enjoy or partake but I will spend some time pondering this lack of ambition. Yesterday I wrote about Creativity Killers and going over that list there are one or two that stand out for me, mainly fatigue and chaos. There's been chaos at work and it's making me damn tired. Little H has been overly cranky and not sleeping well. That's making me tired too. Still, I've gotten past those things before and I'm sure I will this time. Maybe my creative stars are out of alignment and I'll just have to wait it out. In the meantime, I'll try to surround myself with inspiring things, sights and sounds.

How are you fairing these days? Are you meeting your goals?

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Trends - What do you love? What do you hate?

I'll confess: I'm a writer at heart, and a lover of words. Lately, I have noticed 'chat speak' sneaking into everyday language. I'm guilty myself of sneaking in an OMG or WTF (a personal favorite) here and there in informal correspondence like emails or plurks.

But

It's going a little far now people. Hearing Rachel Ray call extra virgin olive oil - EVOO makes me want to pop her between the eyes. Same goes for when people use BFF in conversation. Keep it to the medium it was intended for - electronic means, like text messaging and instant messages.

Am I the only one who cringes over this? Why let it slip into speech? Are we really that lazy or is it trying to be a part of a trend? Maybe this is the proof that I am getting old (my 30th is coming up fast!).

Think about your own creative medium. Do you see any trends cheapening or threatening the integrity of what you do? Are you embracing them or do you scoff and maintain the 'old' ways.

What one finds the norm, another likely will find cheap - I wonder what old time journalists think of blogging? I'm sure it makes their skin crawl. Take a trip through the comment section and let me know what you think. TTYL! (Yes, that was intended as sarcasm.)

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The Chaos, I hate it!

Things are up in the air. I have nothing that is certain at this point regarding childcare for my Little H. Everyone I've interviewed has been sub standard and in this city, daycare facilities have at least a one year wait list (some have a two year one, and some just hang up on you).

One woman I interviewed repeated over and over throughout our conversation that "She has nothing to hide". It freaked me out. Another decided to up her rate from $960 a month to $1060 after I told her what a hard time we were having. How loving of her. At this point, that amount of money is half my salary. It's making me wonder if I should get a part time job and care for her myself. It certainly doesn't make sense to me to work a full time job, get half the pay and have my baby cared for by some weirdo.

In light of all this, I managed to write a little last week. When I say, a little - I mean 300 words. But I'm still proud of myself for getting that done. It's a step towards a final outcome and I took the time to nurture creative thoughts and feelings in a time when I just want to put my head in the sand and pretend all is right with my world.

I hope the rest of you are working away on your projects - no matter what else is going on. It's good for you.


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Where have all the parents gone? (Off topic again, get over it)

Image via WikipediaYou know that scene in Harold and Kumar go to Whitecastle where Kumar is peeing on that bush? And he is alone in the woods until, suddenly, there is another guy who chooses to pee on the same bush...of all the bushes in the woods, he sidles right up to Kumar and lets fly. You know that scene? Well folks, that has become my life.

It seems that everywhere we go, some kid sidles up beside us. The parents are nowhere to be found (or in one case, she was there but not really there.)

Example #1 - I'm at this horrendous place called "Coffee and Scream" wherein the moms can have coffee and the kids can play in the play area. The moms seem to feel that they can dump their kids in the play area and then close their eyes while they drink coffee. It was sheer madness in there. Then, one woman puts her 5 month old (he was just learning to roll) on the ground next to where a friend and I were playing with our kids and takes off to the bathroom with her three year old. Not a word to us. No, hey can you watch my baby, or would you mind just for a sec, or I'll be right back. She Just Left. To another room, BEHIND A DOOR.

Example #2 - Hubby and I take little H to a swimming pool. The place is empty because it's a Thursday afternoon. There was us and a guy with his toddler. Out of nowhere this 10 year old girl swims up. She's nice and she just wants to play with little H but, um. Parents are required to swim with their kids. Kids aren't allowed to swim alone. Did the mom just tell her to swim with us so the lifeguards would think she was ours?? No matter where we went this poor little girl followed. I felt so sad for her.

Example #3 - It was a rare occasion where little H was happy in her stroller, eating cheerios and watching passers by. I decided that I needed a latte fix so we pop into Starbucks. I order and little H is still happy so I decide to grab a table and actually enjoy my drink from a seated position. A three year old terror in pigtails arrives at our table. She's grabbing little H's sippy cup. She's taunting her with keys (what three year old has free access to keys?) She's touching Little H's hands, face, hair. I'm looking at the mom with that, get your damn kid out of here look on my face. The mom sees me, but the barrista is calling her drink and she's fumbling with the lid and how on earth can she tear herself away from a coffee in order to deal with her kid?

What the hell is going on? If you're out in public, keep control of your kids. Keep them in sight. Keep them from assaulting other children. If your drink is ready, you get your lulu lemon'd ass over to your kid BEFORE you deal with your coffee. When little H is older you can bet your ass I wont expect other people to parent her just because she is within their general area.

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I broke down and went to a meeting

Image via WikipediaI've been writing for awhile now. I've done the online critique group thing (which I loved and I wish I could pour more hours into it) I've done the how to book thing. I've read numerous magazines on the craft. I finally feel like I've found my groove, my voice - my mojo. Don't get me wrong, I'm by no means an expert and I know I have lots more to learn but I don't feel like a newbie anymore.

So, I've been looking for something new to encourage me in my writing endeavors.

I joined a group.

I'm so NOT a group person. I hated group projects at school. I always got stuck with idiots who had no idea what to do, and that one guy who never washed his socks. So joining a group was a big deal for me.

The online listing read:

The Guest Speaker will be Children's Author: Kim Parachoniak... who will be discussing How To Write For Children and Youth! You will love this event. This is the time to gather information EVEN if this isn't your usual 'genre'! Catch you there!

It sounded nice and easy going. The speaker was a grade school teacher and she offered some great tips on word counts, difficulty levels, subject matter etc.

Then the weirdness started. It seems the 'leader' of the group is affiliated with some sort of self publishing company. She does seem to have a great deal of knowledge about writing books but I got a strong used car salesman vibe from her. It also seemed like a lot of the members had ingested the wacky kool aid she was serving up. I have NO interest in self pubbing whatsoever and I have even less interest in something when it sounds cheesy and cheap.

Anyhow, I guess I don't have to be best friends with anyone. I'll attend one more meeting and see if the info about writing is worth being subjected to the self pub propaganda. My hopes are not high.

What about you guys? Do any of you participate in groups? How do you stay inspired? Let me know what's up in comments.

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Completely off topic

I know this is completely off topic but I saw one of these in use today and was so appalled that I pointed and exclaimed "OH MY GOD, THERE'S A DOG STROLLER!". Cause, I knew these things existed but never expected to see one actually in use. In public. Indoors. Being pushed by a grown up inside the mall of all places.

OK, see here people. The whole point of taking your dog for a walk is so the dog can, oh I don't know, WALK! There are many dog parks and off leash areas in Calgary. Why on earth would you feel the need to put your dog in this thing and push it around the mall? Sure, it's cute when a little girl pushes her dolly around in one but come on, a dog. Seriously?

I have always been an animal lover, before little H came along they were my babies. But now that I have a child, the animals are suddenly just animals. Yes, I still love them. Yes, I still let them spread hair all over my bedsheets but they are no longer baby replacements. They're pets.

So maybe this woman wasn't able to have kids and went a little cooky with her dog. I get it, but dude, it's still a dog. It would've been fine in the car** for a half hour. Oh and out of curiosity, I went and checked out how much these things run. The one shown is $80, and they go up to $200.

**It was a suitable temperature to leave an animal in the car today, never leave an animal in a car on a hot day, or on a cold one either**

image from http://justpetstrollers.com/

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When creativity goes bad.....

Image via WikipediaFor me, the urge to create is a strange one. Sometimes my mind rattles on and on and on until I can't stand it anymore and get out a project to work on. As a mom, I need to harness that creative urge when it comes and make the most of it when time permits. As you know, it takes planning to be able to sit down to write or craft and time is limited. So when a project goes wrong, it's a horrible thing isn't it?

It's like unwrapping a fragrant, decadent chocolate. Holding it in your fingers and enjoying the anticipation while it moves towards your lips, but then, at the last moment it falls from your hand and into a mud puddle. You stand there and look at it floating in the murky filth, bend down to it and mourn. It's gone and even if you fished it out of the puddle it just wouldn't taste good anymore, it would be tainted.

Tonight after little H went to bed I decided to try something new. I had seen these great little notebooks made from recycled game boards. There are some made from cereal boxes and the like too. I quite liked them and wanted to try to make one myself - from a Purdy's chocolate box (yeah, I had chocolate on the mind for a reason). I hauled out all my supplies and got to work. I had a general idea of what I needed to do and how to do it. There were a few things that I'd have to work out as I went a long but generally when I attempt these things there is some kind of success. This time it wasn't meant to be. After about 1/2 an hour of measuring, folding, scoring, cutting, glue gunning etc, the box had a curve to it and it wasn't laying like I wanted it to....my notebook would've been wonky and not in that cute I made it myself by hand so it's a little wonky but charming kind of way. It would've been a pain to write in a wonky notebook. So I had to let it go. My time had been wasted, my creative urge unfulfilled. Ugh, I feel cheated. The time I spent on that could have been put to much better use. Oh well, even failures teach us something don't they?

Happy Mother's day to all of you, I hope you can keep your chocolates out of mud puddles. Oh, and join me in the Mommyfest Blog party - there is a link in the right sidebar. It sounds like fun.



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There should be a law.........

I don't normally write about these kinds of things but now that I'm raising a little girl, I tend to see things a little differently. Earlier I was watching American Idol, yes, you heard me right and I am a little ashamed so just let it go alright? So I'm watching TV and this Extra gum commercial comes on. The copy reads "Go from big gut to nice butt" Then there is something about how the gum is a 5 calorie snack.

Am I the only one who thinks this is wrong? #1 Gum is NOT a snack. It's GUM, you chew on it, there is NO nutritional value. #2 Gum does nothing to cause you to lose weight. You might burn the 5 calories whilst chewing the product but I'm sure it's not going to get rid of your gut. If I wanted to put anymore mental energy into this topic I'm sure I could find at least a gazillion more reasons as to why this commercial is offensive but, it doesn't deserve what little brain power I have left at midnight. I'd rather go to bed. I'll call that exercise, I hope my gut is gone in the morning. Night all.


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